Manners Cost Nothing? ...or do they?

2nd NOV 2025

Manners cost nothing? Well, that’s what they say.
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Although a 7” single of Bad Manners “Lip Up Fatty” in 1980 would have cost you £1.25 on the ground floor of Chadds of Hereford, and if you rode the bus to the capital of the shire that would have cost you another 20p. Remarkably, had you been a smoker you also could have puffed your way through 10 benny hedgehogs on that bus journey for another 35p.
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Christ things are expensive nowadays - but manners aren’t.
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Your mum, your favourite primary school teacher and your dinner lady probably on occasion told you to mind your manners. Good advice. Good manners go a long way.
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So why is it that sometimes the most unexpected of grown-ups might seem to abandon them?
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The Town Council has a Code of Conduct.
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What does it say? Instead of asking A.I. to summarise it, we asked Common Sense Ken (of chip van mathematics fame). A quick email whizzed off and soon his email reply came back “well it says don’t be rude to people”. Good old Ken. Oh, and on the subject of chips, best wishes go out to Sharon from Audrey’s Fish & Chips in Tudorville, who’s resting up for a few weeks.
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Here’s a little list of things that the Code of Conduct ensures should never, ever be done by your town councillors to members of the public, or to other councillors:
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You won’t be gurned at.
You won’t be insulted.
You won’t be sternly glared at, school-teacher style, over spectacles.
You won’t be spoken to rudely or abruptly.
You won’t be sidelined or excluded.
Plus of course you won’t have someone character-assassinate you in a newspaper.
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Back on 9th June, the council approved spending for training to be provided by one Becky Walsh, who runs a rather niche and very interesting website called CouncilCulture.uk which also has a great blog. She offers training to councils who may have problems, a lot of which relates to behaviour. She talks of “personality clashes” and “dysregulated behaviour” (that's flying off the handle and throwing strops to you and me). She’s written about how some councillor-types may lust for “power and control”, and other phrases pop-up on her peppy pages like “superficial charm”, “manipulative behaviour” and “arrogance and entitlement”. This website's very own about page also reflects on different potential motivations to be a councillor.
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The troubleshooter's presence was required in Ross-on-Wye for some reason.
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The cost? £1,500. Yes, it was felt the council needed to spend £1,500 of your Council Tax on training, and for £1,000 of that they dipped into their reserves. So it seems that manners DON'T cost "nothing" after all.
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On 13th October, the Council reflected on how they felt the training went in their once a month blockbuster meeting, they also talked about a strategy document received from Becky Walsh. From their discussion it was clear that there were two aspects of the  training over which took place over two days; one about behaviour (understanding others, not being nasty, that kind of thing), the other about having a long-term strategy all the councillors can agree on, to increase cohesion and serve to further avoid poor behaviour.
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The councillors who spoke all seemed to have appreciated training on “not murdering each other” with one musing “I think the last few meetings have been better” - well, what an interesting if telling observation that was. What were the ones before that like? We also learned sadly "less than half of the councillors turned up" for the training which at least seemed to sound (a) needed, and (b) positive.
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An interesting comment and maybe glimpse into the council's behind closed doors training was “I thought the training that we had was phenomenal, until probably the last half hour of the last day when it felt like most of good work Becky had done had been completely undone by one councillor”. Oh dear. And judging by the complete lack of reaction in the room, this recounting of events was accepted. Could it also be reasonable to assume that the councillor concerned wasn’t there at the moment that was said because there was no challenge? (16 of the 18 councillors were present, so cue a 1980s-style game of Guess Who?).
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What was certainly clear is nobody seemed to see much value in the strategy document as it was. It seemed it was the training on how to behave properly which resonated the most.

Not that a strategy was given up on, oh no...
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To further the pursuit of having a long-term strategy document they could all agree upon, the Chair in the hot seat at the meeting, Cllr Julian Utting quizzed his fellow councillors, saying “the question is, do we have it [a strategy] facilitated or do we think we are grown up enough to do it ourselves?”. The question was met with laughter from Cllr Ed O’Driscoll answering with one word “facilitated!”, appearing almost pleased with his ironic joke.

The discussion ended with the council resolving to say they will look into one-if-not-two away days, to work on a strategy themselves. The Chair suggested they may be able to use a “dollop of money, cos we always have dollops of money” for those away days so “hopefully we can adopt a strategy by April”.

That's your "dollops" of money by the way, oh taxpayers of Ross-on-Wye.
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Dollops aside, it is hoped that councillors will adopt the kind of "civility and respect" championed by Becky Walsh on her website, and commit to it. Funnily enough, councillors were asked in public participation if they will now treat all members of the public with dignity and respect. The only real answer came from Cllr Chris Bartrum who stated that all councillors have signed up to the Code of Conduct. Perhaps he’d forgotten how a councillor colleague of his had launched four seemingly unreasonable Code of Conduct complaints against other councillors.
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One councillor recently told a member of the public they would not talk to them because “I have had to put up with a toxicity of SHIT on Facebook from you, and at meetings”, and when they were asked why they were singling them out for a comment online buried amongst many comments by other people they answered “that’s because I don’t like you”.
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Another councillor it's said, behind their back referred to another as a misogynist.
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A council employee was once put in tears by a councillor at a public event.
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Anyway, let’s hope that training you all paid for has gone some way towards fixing things - if not then warm milk and bedside stories may be a cost-effective way to at least calm down any grumpy councillors?

(Here's a little bit of video of the meeting below)

(Oh, and here's the minutes, not that the minutes ever cover any juicy discussion points - but you can always go along to council meetings and witness the thrill ride live and unabridged from a stackable chair if you wish).
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